From the article: Marriage and MS
Marriage comes with challenges. Having multiple sclerosis (MS) or being married to someone with MS can certainly impact a marriage. Spouses of people with MS may find themselves in a caretaking role some of the time. People with MS may not able to do some of the things that they would like – they may not be as active as they hoped, they may have to limit parental duties due to fatigue or other symptoms and they may find that sex requires more effort than anticipated. Despite all of these factors, some marriages flourish in the face of MS and others flounder. Share your story of how MS has affected your marriage.
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In the Past
- 20 years of marriage ended 1 1/2 years after my diagnosis. I don't want to sound bitter but I wonder if my minister ex-husband slept with the chickee in the choir before or after I told him I had MS. After the private investigator showed me the DVD of him and chickee, I filed for divorce. I have been "husband free" for the last 2 years. Divorce and MS seem to go hand in hand. In sickness and in health? Whoooee. I am on disability now but at least I am free of that narcisistic opportunist.
- —MsGemDiva
My husband is sooooo wonderful
- I was dx in 2003. Now Im on wheelchair. We are married for 21 years. I don't work. All my med expences he looks after. Our sex life is nonexistent. He does lots of Internet searches on ms and tells me any news on the disease. He was the one who told me about gluten free diet. I didnt follow this advice. Only when a dr. Advised did I start the diet. But he did not get mad at me. He makes my each day go by so happily. Everyday I thank my stars for being married to such a wonderful man.
- —Guest Guest
i ended it
- i was dxd 6 years ago with ms. My marriage wasnt great but we plodded on.But in time my ex started treaitng me ,very subtlely, as tho i was ..basically..stupid.after a long time of trying to make it work it was me, the one with ms, who decided to end the marriage.I didnt know what i wanted but i knew what i didnt want, so i put things in motion & finally left my ex after 24 years of marriage. i regret causing my 3 sons hurt but they are fine grown young men now. i do not regret leaving. In fact, getting ms gave me my guts back & no i would rather not have ms but then again, getting ms made me back into the person i was in a way..before a bad marriage changed me.for which, strange as it sounds, i am grateful. : )
- —Guest Ellen
I'm so sorry
- Nearly all these stories are bad, im so sorry for you all. I was diagnosed 2.5 years ago and whilst my husband has his moments on the whole he is great. I work pt time, restrict diet and exercise - crossfit. It all works, maybe if I got sick he'd be awful like some of yours. I pray that I stay well. I do stuff I don't always feel like (sex) to keep the peace at times - does that count?
- —Guest Robyn
not married but happily commited
- My boyfriend and I had only been dating 8 months when I got ill. It took 5 months of many tests and doctor visits before i finally was diagnosed. When I first found out I had MS, i was devistated. I told my guy that he didn't sign on for this...he's still young and has a small child...he didn't deserve this "sentence"...told him to run...He told me I was still the same person he fell in love with...he was staying. Two years later...we are still together. He has been there holding my hand, having my back...there has been tough times for us like any couple...mainly because I feel like I am sometimes not the woman anymore he deserves....he stays! He gave me my very first Copaxone shot when I couldn't bring myself to do it...he rubs my head and legs when I have spasms. He tells me to sit and relax when I just want to keep moving...I don't like to be a burden on him or at least to me, feel like I am a burden. MS is not just my disease..it is his also. I will forever love this Man.
- —Guest gail
My marriage and MS
- First of all, my heart goes out to those of you who are struggling with MS. I am 49 and was diagnosed at 46. I am married to a wonderful man and will be celebrating 26 years of marriage in May. I do not take that for granted. I suffered a severe exacertation and was laid up for 6 months. This caused depression and suicidal thoughts. After reading many accounts of MS ravaged relationships, I focused on my marriage because I was afraid my husband would leave me. Having MS sucks and it defines me on many levels but I still try to make my marriage a priority. I suffer with sexual dysfunction, memory loss, optic nueritis, pain, and incontinance, among other things and my family is understanding to a point but I also understand that they can't fully appreciate my situation until they have walked in my shoes. Unfortunately, disease is one of those things that bring out our true colors. Find someone to share your burden with you. A support group helped me. I wish you all the best!
- —steph48
Ms ruined my marriage
- I have been married 20 years & have 3 boys. Shortly after being diagnosed he was supportive. 4 years later he is mean & resentful. He gives me injections I have tried to self inject. Still work & raise 3 boys. Always tired but still interested in sex. I think I will be better off without him.
- —Guest Laura
I am so lucky
- Having read all your responses I feel so sad for anyone who has been rejected or is suffering because of MS, I have had MS for 34years but still drive, work from home, very part-time, I walk 3kms with my husband 3-4 times a week, he married me 18ys ago knowing I had MS at that time I was working full-time as an Accountant and running 8kms a day, the symtoms have increased lately so I now walk with a walking frame, when I could not run anymore I took on another challenge, I completed my Masters Degree in Commerce/Accounting three years ago, through all of this my husband has been nothing but supportive, I am so lucky although MS is such a frustrating disease which robs you of even simple things like tying shoelaces. I have started on a new drug "Fampyra" which helps with walking so far has reduced the numbness and possibly helped with walking, but only been on it for 2months so don't know yet if it will work. the downside $600 per month. I emphathise with everyone and wish you all well.
- —Guest Jan
His denial
- Was diagnosed in '07 and that's when I started to notice his talking in his sleep. Kept hearing him say a word but couldn't make it out until last year. He was repeating a woman's name over and over again, that he loved her. He denies he is seeing anyone. I thought this happened to some women when they were diagnosed, but not all I was wrong.
- —Guest Nicki
marriage and ms
- I read a lot of the responses and wasn't going to blog because these are the saddest stories I have ever heard. I was dxd 5 years ago, was already separated from my husband after 20 yrs, raised 3 kids, was enjoying my single life, worked as a Rx tech, going to school for psycholgoy, having FUN, then BAM, ms. But taking it in stride, try to be happy every day. I don't work now, but do drive, take care of my self. I HATE Ms but have to try to enjoy life such as it is. Do not have or want the added stress of a relationship. Why add more problems!!!!!!
- —Guest susan
AWESOME HUSBAND
- I have known my husband for 20+ years. We were good friends first, fell in love 13 yrs ago, and have been married for almost 7 yrs. I was diagnosed w/MS in 1992 so he ALWAYS knew about "my" MS. Walking really became an issue 5 yrs ago and now I use a rollator which sometimes gets me very frustrated (I'm a former dancer) and-I hate to admit it-a little embarrased, but he instead named it and made it part of our family. He NEVER makes me feel like I can't do something nor does he let me get down when I really can't. We talk, laugh, and even cry about everything MS and non-MS related. I really try to live by the slogan "I have MS, MS doesn't have me!" We both agree that one's attitude can have affect on one's health. I try very hard to remain positive and I try to avoid allowing the MS from making me sad or negative. We both truly believe that there are worse things, ie diseases, sick children, etc., in the world. We all have this one life, why not try to make it the BEST life.
- —Guest Kelly
a horse of a different color
- these stories are so sad! but i hear it all the time as a suport grp leader for nmss. my husb is wonderful, despite not really understanding. he goes to some of the programs, and picks up the lunch for our mtgs, but probably the halmark of our reltionship is that he is intuitive and is demanding of attention when i feel relatively good and carries me around on a pillow when i am bad (dx '94 and been para 3 times). also i feel like our relationship is growing, when i look back at the early days befor dx it was not as good as now. married 26 yrs, dx 17. not working as nurse 12, husb retired 2 ys. contact your local ms center, here we now have a social worker who is doing marriage counseling because it is such a pervasive problem. God bless you.
- —Guest janice
Husband hid how bad MS-I am end of rope
- My husband has MS, I take great care of him, but he takes better care of his secretary. he has no time for me. I am lonely. He is verbally abusive and controlling. I am at the end of my rope!
- —Guest Anne
MS ended my marriage
- I had been diagnosed about a year when my husband, son and mother-in-law attended a meeting on MS given by my Neurologist. Ten days later (December 16th) he left me a note on the kitchen counter that he didn't want to be "in this relationship anymore". That was 9 days before Christmas 2010, my worst Christmas ever. Having faith in God gave me the ability to forgive and go on.
- —Guest MeElLa:)
It ruined my Life
- I married my first love when she was diagnosed with MS at the age of 19. They all told me things would get worst, but i never believed it. We went to the doctors on a regal basis. As a result of the MS she had grand mal seizures that affected her brain drastically. Around 2004, she took a drastic turn for the worst and really could not function anymore. She lost her driving capabilities and went down hill from there. She never worked, but was always the princess of the house. I run a successful business and used to spend a lot of time at work building it for a better tomorrow. Well tomorrow came and there is no one there to enjoy it with. At this stage she has a brain of a 85 year old, while she is only 47. We are separated now, but this disease basically took a fairy tale and ruined it. The inability to function as a normal human being just gets to you after a while. The ability not to go for a walk on the beach, look at a sunset, or just have a normal conversation ruined it.
- —Guest Anthony
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