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Readers Respond: How has MS affected your marriage?

Responses: 170

By

Updated November 25, 2008

From the article: Marriage and MS
Marriage comes with challenges. Having multiple sclerosis (MS) or being married to someone with MS can certainly impact a marriage. Spouses of people with MS may find themselves in a caretaking role some of the time. People with MS may not able to do some of the things that they would like – they may not be as active as they hoped, they may have to limit parental duties due to fatigue or other symptoms and they may find that sex requires more effort than anticipated. Despite all of these factors, some marriages flourish in the face of MS and others flounder. Share your story of how MS has affected your marriage. Share With Others

These stores make me so sad......

These stories make me so sad. Actually, it makes me think that things for a lot of these folks weren't great before the MS, and the MS just became an excuse. I was married to my husband for over 20 years when we found out I have MS. Fortunately, my case is quite mild and benign, but it can still be scary just to think about. My husband is an angel--so understanding and patient and supportive. I couldn't have gotten through the first few months without him. Believe me--I count my blessings every day.
—Guest Kim

Sad but true

My partner and I were close and very much in love, he took care of me when i was in bed for 6 months, but now am able to walk w a cane, slowly i think he lost interest in me, i was a burden although he would never fess up to it. I had a high paying job that allowed us to go on many vacations, now i am on SS and the "Fun" has stopped. W had been together 15 years but 3 years into my MS , he cheated on me and broke my heart. I cry alot, i can't forgive but i don't have the heart to kick him out, i think i wasn't the person he loved anymore, i sit an cry and say how MS has to take everything from me for some reason but i won't give up, i love him still, but i can't forget the lies, betrayal. I think if i didn't become a burden to him it wouldn't have happened. but there is no way to find that out now is there. Toxic emotion is eating me alive and i have to do something. In the book by Nancy Davis, Lean on me, she tells us h ow to leave toxic people behind, now its doing it.
—Guest SmartyPants196

Blessed

Diagnosed with MS in 1996. Since the diagnosis the relationship with my husband is better than ever. He is my loving caretaker and because of that am able to work full-time. Our faith in Jesus Christ and love for each other has grown through the years and for that am very thankful. Recently broke my fibula from falling, but due to MS caused numbness have little pain in the ankle. Am very thankful for this. God works all things together for good.
—Guest Christine

I had the last laugh

I've had ms for so long I can't even remember. When I was first told I had it I was happy I wasn't dying. My husband thought otherwise. He left me. I had 3 small boy's. He just took off and left me with no money. I went back to school raised 3 wonderful boys that I am so proud of. Nobody can understand why he left. My boy's are drop dead handsome, and I actually won a beauty contest after I colored my hair blonde. So HA HA to him!!!
—Guest penquin1

I'm lost

I was diagnosed on Monday. I'm scared& frightened but most of all lost in my relationship with my bf. We live together (have done 4 2 years). We took a days holiday to spend together today & instead of chatting while we're havg this coffee we're both pn our phones. I need to live w ms, he doesn't how can i tell him to leave without pushing him into it? I am so scared of unknown - what if he goes/cheats? & i'm sad we'll never get married!
—Guest Julie

I don't know what to do

Ive been married for 13 years to my husband who has ms. I love him but he gets so angry and verbally abusive I know this isn't healthy especially since we have a son. I work 40 hours a week and take care of my son and husband but at times it seems no matter what I do my husband seems to find fault in me I know he suffers and I try my best to support him in every way Im just getting to the point I don't feel loved I feel he actually hates me at times and don't understand why on his bad days I try to comfort him but he just pushes me away and our son I love this man but feel the cold gap between us. When he has his meds he seems more loveing but in the bad months if he has to take more to be comfortable by the end of the month Im dealing with jeckle and hide what should I do
—Guest Michelle Ivey

Husband ms paranoi

My husbands who has paranoi affected our relationship. His parents didn't help and used his paranoi to turn him against me. I'm now living separate with our son and he wants a divorce as he and his family thinks I'm after his money. I want to come and live with me in my house but he refuses to leave his controlling parents :( I can deal with ms but I can't deal with paranoi :(
—Guest A555

All that remains..

I am thankful that I can tell the difference between my wife, and MS. If I am tired, it is not so easy. Financial ruin, constant uncertainty, loneliness, pain, and depression allways near. We both suffer from these... If there weren't Love, I would not have pain. Nothing is worse than to watch the one you Love suffer from illness and feel powerless to stop it. I will do anything to see a genuine smile, and when it happens, enjoy it. That goes for both of us. I am not a religious man by standard definition, but I feel like God brought us together, and we are the best medicine for each other. Illness takes so much from us all; Why should we allow it to steal our Love from us as well..At the very least, not without a fight.. Screw you MS..
—Guest Child in big shoes

MS and My Marriage

I have had M.S. for 4 years. My husband of 27 years has been wonderful throughout this time. I went through severe depression in the beginning. I was and still am scared that my husband will just leave me one day although he says different. Depression and pain is so hard to live with. It disstorts many things. I sought help through a Psychiatrist and M.S. support group and keep plugging on. M.S. dominates my life, especially when it comes to sex. I'm still intimate with my husband as I don't want him to miss out on what I don't enjoy anymore. Bottom line, my husband and I support one another and I try very hard not to let M.S. ruin our relationship. I HATE having M.S. but I cherish the the gifts I still have.
—Guest Steph48

MS and Marriage

Since before i was diagnosed he's cheated on me on more than enough occasions. Got diagnosed right after giving birth and he continued to cheat with both women and men. Lied over and over again even though i saw all of the text messages from his multiple lovers. He doesnet do one single thing to help with the house or our kid. Just venting since i dont have anyone to talk to. Any advise on single parenthood and having RRMS? Looking to leave asap.
—Guest Lauren

Spouse has ms

Husband has ms. He's now not working and on disability. He does what he can. I am 41. He's 43. He can still walk poorly with walker. Can help with kids homework. He doesn't help in household- could but doesn't. He's not depressed thAnk god- but I am. I feel resentful and then sorry for him. Grateful every day I don't have MS cuz I doubt he'd stick around. Live with blinders on and denial. Could always be worse.. Grateful he's still alive and doesn't have ALS at least! I get angry he can't even stop and get me milk - can't walk or no energy.. Then I think - what if it was me.. ? Life's hard but could always be worse.. I try to live in the minute - not future
—Guest Gnee

Where is the help?

I can relate to so many of these posts in one way or another. I have been married to a man with MS for 16 years (symptoms before but DX about 10 years ago). While many life stressors (loss of parents, siblings, moving, etc.) have added to our stress pile, my husband has pulled away and is bitter and blaming me for his situation. He is kind to everyone around us but privately cold and sharp with me. I pick up the slack and also act as mother, breadwinner, father, repair person, etc. while trying to keep some kind of balance and happiness in my personal life as well as the lives of my husband and son. I am a very strong and positive woman but it's becoming more difficult for me to stay that way. While complaint sessions are all well and good, I'm wondering where the help and support are in terms of tools for coping phychologically. I've searched the internet for local support groups and the nearest one is 2+ hours away. I can't find any counselors locally either..........
—Guest mswife

ms and marriage-rock and a hard place

We met about 10 yrs ago, my husband had been diagnosed about 10 yrs prior to that so I knew going it to it-- it seemed very mild at the time- occasional complaints of bright lights in the grocery aisles but otherwise fully functional. We'd get together and spend all weekend out doing whatever, poking around second hand stores, going for hikes with dog, etc. Over past 10 yrs it has really progressed, he had to go onto disability and it really took the wind out of his sail. He was depressed, grieving and suicidal through some serious dark nights of the soul. In the past 6 months I've felt a new level- there was discord early on but it morphed into explosive anger and just plain uncontrolled rage. Frank misery and it was always pulling me in. I have thought to leave many times. Like others here, at what point does the disease stop being responsible for the person's actions and the person become repsonsible? Is there no control? I cannot trust him in certain moods. Bottom line.
—Guest Sad wife

apart

My wife has MS, we found out 2 yrs ago. She started changing 3 yrs ago. We were married for 13 yrs in a perfect relationship. We never had any problems, two great boys, life was great. Then she started changing, we were devastated when she found out she had MS. For the last 2 yrs, she has made my life a living hell. No matter what I say its wrong, its like she blames me for getting MS. She finally moved out inbetween my two heart stents. We have split watching our kids, I'm a FF and I have an understanding of what she is going through. I can not understand the anger she feels toward me. If we had a rocky relationship before, I could understand, but we were perfect before. Kids don't understand, friends don't understand, family doesn't understand. I've refused to give up on her, but I'm afraid I'm on a sinking ship with no happy ending. I just wanted people to know, that some spouces outhere still care, but have a hard time dealing with being pushed out of the way constantly.
—Guest Sad

I promise to testfy

My Name is paul.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from engage to Single...when i went to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life...I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job...he told me he gonna help me...i don't believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend
—Guest Paul Muller

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