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Readers Respond: How has MS affected your marriage?

Responses: 122

By

Updated November 25, 2008

breakup indeed..

I was diagnosed at age 32. At first my wife was supportive but 2 wks later she started acting out telling people before I was ready. From there it all went down. She was distant as I was falling into a deep depression alone. I started looking online at extream videos of all sorts. Porn, ilness, violence etc. My body was down for 6 month and I was bearly feeling sexy to say the least. A year later I went on a trip and as I came back she told me she met someone and she is leaving me. That's it. I got sick lost my powers and ambition and my wife left me all alone with the struggle. She never came to the hospitals, refused to meet my doctor when asked and couldn't see me injecting. I hide. I later met another girl I was sure will correct this and show patience since she knew the truth as she came in yet I was proven the opposite: She didn't talk about it she didn't respond when I tried explaining her that she needs to be more gentle with me as I live in a state of anxiety..we are no longer
—Guest kola

Stronger....and stronger

My best friend and wife was diagnosed 1 year ago (but was spotted and ignored 2 years ago by military docs). Our relationship has been a rollercoaster to say the least. Both in terms of her coming to grips with her diagnosis, and me fearing for the future and having to watch my best friend slowly deteriorate .... Now though, we live for the present. We enjoy each other and the time that we have. I suggest that to anyone reading this. Help when asked to help but encourage her all the time.
—Guest Jay

For Better or Worse

Married (second for each) at 40, knowing wife's MS a possible big problem. Bedridden after ten years. Now in our 25th year. "Love conquers all."
—Guest Doug

My Ms runied my marriage

After I was diagnosed, the first few months were ok. I got into a really bad state of depression that lasted about 2 years during that time my husband was helpful with making sure I did my shots but I felt like he wasn't there with me. Never went to my dr appointments, my treatments, etc. I felt like he didn't want too or didn't know how to be there for me. Yet he never said a word about how he was feeling. Recently I found out he was cheating on me... So now I am alone with MS.
—Katz1127

MS & your marriage

I was so fortunate indeed to have found Dr. Swank's work when I was diagnosed. My then husband was a tremendous part of my success on it. He motivated me, kept all negative sayers & such- away from me, as I was too influenced by other's. He made it a "team effort" where we both learned the diet, went to see Dr. Swank, and lived the behavioral changes necessary to do this the RIGHT way. He was instrumental indeed, in my success. There is no reason to be anything but Thrilled beyond belief, when you're doing this diet. It will improve every aspect of your health, AND, STOP THE MS in it's TRACKS. Believe me friends...I've no reason to exaggerate. This...SAVED MY LIFE. Donna
—Guest burgh_grl

Blessed

I am a 42 year old female who was dx with M.S. about 5 months ago. M.S. has brought me and my husband closer together as I am so appreciative of his understanding and his help when I need it. Also, because he is an LVN he gives me my Rebif shots so I don't have to watch. I am going to counseling to help me emotionally deal with this disease---This has taken some of the stress from my spouse. I pray to God everyday and ask Him for the strength that I need to deal with this disease. And I will soon be talking to a Christian Minister, hoping he can help me deal with the crisis this has caused to my Christian Faith...I spoke with my deceased Mother recently and she said that I got M.S. because I was the strongest of her 3 daughters. Since she has lived in Heaven for 10 months now, maybe God told my Mom to tell me that. I am not afraid of M.S. because, if it takes my life, I will live with my Mom in Heaven and she has always been the greatest love of my life!!
—Guest Debbie

Pamela

I've been married 17 years but we've been together 21 years. I was diagnosed 5 years ago. At first everything was good then I started to show signs of progression, I slowed down, tired easily, etc. We did everything together, we're outdoors people but all that has ceased. He does everything and when I start to do something he jumps up and takes over even if I object. I then feel inadequate. I try to discuss but he won't. Sometimes he gets impatient. I know its frustrating, it is for me, too. We hardly talk anymore, no more smiles nor laughter, this marriage has so changed. I'm scared and want my old life back.
—Guest Pamela

Casebone

I read all these things about MS wives and divorce. I can tell you that no sex for 13 years is too much for a 55 year old man. I have had it and want a divorce.
—Guest John

It sucks

We are newlyweds of 4 months. Our first christmas together was ruined by this awful disease. We got the final dx on Dec 14th. And since then, my husband has not been the same. Sadness in his eyes. Advising me to leave him and find someone better. This was supposed to be the best days of our lives and now all i do is cry, and all he does is sit in silence and watch tv 24/7. He doesnt want to talk about his feelings. He wont pick up his rx's at the pharmacy, he wont put out the garbage or do dishes anymore. Claims hes too tired and cant work anymore. Its tough. There is no rule book for this. I pray once we get a handle on this that I get my best friend back. I miss him so much and yet he sleeps next to me every night.
—Guest kc

Hello! I need help!!

Married 20 years... Always did everything around the house and work and children etc. Never really minded, if I can do it I will. Diagnosed 13 years ago had it 16 yrs. Using cane 4 yrs, fatigue etc etc. How come he doesn't help now?? He always says he loves me which I believe, but unfortunately I'm disappointed and realise if my mum doesn't help me he certainly won't. I'm worried now if something happened to my mum I don't trust him to care for me. He does work hard I know but the lack of care for me has.....made me not interested in him.
—Guest sderbo

Marriage & MS....Sheesh!

First off, I was dx'ed with Primary Progressive MS back in 2002...disease-wise, it's been up & down but I'm still here & keep a positive attitude. I NEVER feel sorry for myself or have "pity parties"...because, IMO, it could be so much worse. There are literally thousands of people on this Earth who have it WAY worse than any of us do & it's just idiotic to do the "poor me" bit. So, I'm sick....I shut up & deal with it and not be a baby about it. Put on my "big girl pants" and face this stupid disease head on. My husband & I have been married since 1997 & granted, he doesn't go to my Dr. appointments (never has) but he IS there for me 100%. We laugh all the time & go on vacations, etc. On days I feel "poopy" (as he calls it..lol), he does all the work without complaint. I NEVER forget to tell him I adore him & he tells me daily he loves me. Other than his horrid taste in 80's hair bands (eww) - I think he's amazing. Never, ever forget to voice your love to someone...:)
—Guest Andi

ms affecting marriage

My husband stopped being an intimate loving partner and I became a project to be managed. He is patient and tries to be understanding but our marriage has changed. we have lived with ms since 1997.
—Guest rodjackkeel

Second time around

My first marriage ended after 5 years--almost one year after I was diagnosed with MS. We were married at age 20 and there were other factors contributing to the breakup, but my ex-husband seemed to respond to my diagnosis like a proverbial ball-and-chain--although he wanted a divorce he felt guilty about it and was unable to articulate his true feelings. This in turn stressed me out because I sensed that something was wrong. After my divorce I went through a deep depression. I used over-exercising and over-working as coping mechanisms--it seemed like I had to totally exhaust myself in order to sleep at night, and I was looking for anything to take my mind off of the overwhelming sadness that I felt. Although there were a lot of difficult things that I had to work my way through, I am happy to say that eight years after my divorce I married the most amazing man. My husband is so calm, gentle and patient and anticipates the "MS effect" on our plans without me having to say anything
—Guest nurselawyer

MS & Marriage

I'm a 59 yr. old female and was just diagnosed a little over a yr. ago. My husband has been very supportive. We have been married 32 yrs. and I've never been "robust", but we didn't know why. Probably because I've had MS for yrs. but was never diagnosed, as well as some other health issues. I'm still working full time, so Steve does all of the cooking & dishes because I'm totally wiped out at the end of the day. I teach art to 500 elem. age children. We adopted (unknowingly) a special needs 10 yr. old Romanian girl in 2001. That stress must have really made the MS kick in because I've had a miserable time with this situation. I can't imagine going through this without the support of my husband, especially since we don't have much in the way of extended family to help out.
—Guest Nancy Ann Sturdevant

marriage MS

I have had MS for 30 years & have been married for 20yrs. My husnband just urned 60 & sees the Light at the End of the Tunnel. He wants to travel & stick me in a Board & Care for awhile. This is fair for him but it scares me.
—Guest Token

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