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Readers Respond: How has MS affected your marriage?

Responses: 170

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Updated November 25, 2008

I dont feel loved anymore

I don't have ms but my husband does... I've been with him for eight years and he was diagnost 3 years ago, he also had 2 kids with 2 other women witch takes a toll as well....I love him but I feel like he's not here with me any more and every time I ask him for help or to even take his daughter to the beach with me...I feel like ms is his excuse to not do anything..I don't know what he going threw bc he dosnt like to talk about it unless I'm trying to make him do somethin with me. Now I'm not trying to sound selfish but I'm 23 and he's 30 its an age difference as it is but the ms has extremely turn our marriage for the worst.....now, I feel for anyone who has ms but should I watch my life pass me by bc of a desease my husband has...I feel trapped and scared and I don't know what to do...
—Guest :-(

The other side

Look, I know MS affects women a certain way, and as a husband of someone with MS, I can see it. But, I'm here to represent the husbands, and for myself, I can see how husbands are driven away, if there is discord and hostility from the wife. I don't care what the disease it, MS included, it does not give one a pass on being responsible for her words and actions. Hostility towards the husband, regardless of the cause, is wrong. My wife will never take responsiblity for being rude and hostile towards me. She says she has "sensory issues", which translates to my being rejected 9/10 times when I try to initiate physical affection between us. It bothers me very deeply to think that I get that treatment as her husband, while her past boyfriends got to experience the "best" of her. I'm sorry if that sounds shallow, but I am someone who has been cursed with the desire to be physically affectionate with my wife. She is rarely so. She could go the rest of her life without a human touch
—Guest jon

After 27yrs,he's gone now he like 2 hike

Married over 25yrs,went through 2 back surgeries they thought my symptoms were coming from my back,I always worked through all of this even had a baby as the years went on I started noticing differences he wanted to do more physical stuff,I couldn't.Never fought about it, I just let him go, I had my son, dog, cat and my bird.WE always seemed to get along, same sense of humor, he was from a small town I was from a big city, he loved to hear my Chicago stories well to make a long story short,I was given so many drugs that didn't work and caused more symptoms than I could count he got into hiking and walking, funny huh,the last things I could do, well my son is in graduate school and it's just him and I left,and I always had a feeling but everyone said no,not Jim well last week I took some Ambein 2 of them and got a l little loaded,and started checking out the phone bill online,don't know why but this one number was there over and over,yep,you guessed it I called she said ask your husband
—Guest EastCoastKat

HOW MS HAS AFFECTED MY MARRIAGE

IT ENDED IT, I WAS TOLD ON THE NIGHT MY FATHER DIED, AND HAD A BAD EXUBATTION (CAN'T SPELL THE WORD) AND AFTER SEVERAL SOLUMEDROL TREATMENTS AND GOING THROUGH A 2 NECK SURGERY TOO, I CAUGHT HIM RUNNING AROUND ONME, ONCE DURING THE LAST HOSPITAL STAY I HAD, HE WAS FB'ING HER THE WHOLE TIME AND THEN LATER WITH A YOUNG GIRL IN OUR LITTLE TOWN OF DOERUN GA. I CAN'T WORK NOW BUT I DID, AND I NEVER LET ANY HOME DUTIES GO OR HE WOULD JUST DIE IF HE CAME HOME AND I WAS ASLEEP ON THE COUCH. NOW AFTER THE DIVORCE IS OVER I THINK THAT I AM HAVING A RELASPE, I HAVE INCONTINCE AND I CAN'T STAY AWAKE DRIVING OR SITTING STILL AND MY JOINTS HURT SO BAD THE OTHER MORNING AFTER A MIGRAINE THAT I THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO THE HOSPITAL, SOMEONE PLEASE TALK TO ME, I AM SO HAPPY NOW , MAYBE IT'S THE REALEASE OF ALL OF THE FEAR OF HIM , HE HATED ME IN THE END, HE JUST COULD NOT ACCEPT IT OR LIVE WITH IT, I DISGUSTED HIM, AND I AM A 55 YR OLD BALLARINA AND PRETTY BUT HE HATED ME. JACKIE
—Guest JACKIE FLOWERS

i just want out

I have been an unhealthy marriage that has been physically abusive in the past and still remains verbally abusive even after almosst 33 yaers. I finally was diagnosed with ms about two years ago after years of unddiagmosex symptos that would come and go that is until january of 2009 when my vision and mobility was effected dramatically. I had to completely give up driving at all about 6 months ago. I believe that every time my husband verbally attacks me or someone else i feel a littlecsicker and more hopeless and helpless. I used to be able to just keep going despite all the abuse and stress but i just cant do it anymore and i just want out! I am overwhelmed and weary. Having ms hasnt increased the abuse it has just made it harder for me to deal with therefore making it harder to ignore.
—Guest sunflower

Loving Caregiver

My husband has MS and I will never leave his side, we have been married just over a year, yes things are hard but I love him and thats not going to change. If there are any caregivers of husbands that have contact me so we both can have someone to talk to when things get bad.
—Guest wifeyofms

Completely disempowered

These stories are so sad. Every night I hope my husband will join me in what was once "our" bed -- he NEVER does. I miss the affection the occasional kindness, the human touch, he chooses the disease over me, and everyday I inch closer to straying...HELP.
—Lynetter270460

Which is it? Sick or Just Plain Mean

So here it is, we are in year 10 since diagnosis, and 20 years of marriage. My wife has ms, and she is great to our two daughters, her employer and those she encounters in her part time job. But I'm telling you, she is increasingly hateful and mean to me. It leaves me wandering if this is the beginning of a worsening of her symptoms, or if she is trying to push me away, or if he she's just plain mean. Hard to sort out...very frustrating, and hurtful.
—Guest William

ME-MS-MARK

I HAV BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR ALMOST 22 YEARS TO THE SAME WONDERFUL MAN. WE MARRIED IN DECEMBER OF 89. I WAS ONLY 20 WHEN I WAS DIAGNOSED LESS THAN 10 MONTHS AFTER WE WED I WAS DIAGNOSED WE HAVE 4 CHILDREN. I AM NOW CONFINED TO A WHEELCHAIR. BUT LOVE HIS AND KINDNESS THROUGH THIS TRIAL HAS MADE US STRONGER.
—Guest JANA

MS monster

I don't have MS. My partner does And it has changed her for the worst. That's why so many spouses leave ( not all). She's gotten so mean and bitter And jaded. I don't have MS. I'm not in constant pain so I can't say I know how that feels.. But what about the non MS spouses side? We Have no physical or emotional intimacy. Constant pain an other symptoms do a number on sex libido, I get that. My my spouse sure does ask a lot of me and doesn't give anything back. If I say I'm tired or I want to be lazy for a day ( raising two special needs kids, a hobby farm And an ill spouse) I get lectured on how I don't know what tired is and how dare I ask for help whens she's sooo Sick. So I'm supposed to do my job, pick up her slack, listen to her sorrows, and put up with Her jaded bitter attitude? And if I say anything about it well then I'm selfish and evil, having gone from lover to therapist to nursemaid. Its a lonely and demanding position to be in.
—Guest lonelynotalone

Still waiting

Just waiting for my dx appointment and everything possible is going through my head. All my symptoms. What if it is MS (which is definitely is pointed that way)....but what if it isnt? What happens to my relationship? My family? What am I going to do with the future I wanted? Ive been reading up on all I can...and prepairing myself. I had a severe flare up a while back but it subsided and has just left me scared. Im terrifyed it'll ruin everything Ive ever wanted out of my life. Out of my relationship. But the real thing that scares me is what it'll take from my partner. How it'll effect him and everything it will deprive him of in our relationship. He has been the best friend and partner I could ask for. Very supportive. Very understanding. Im just worried he wont realize the problems ahead until its too late.
—Guest L

not married but......

long story short was with him for 5 years when i got dx he was very supportave gave me my shots yada yada yada i last saw him on Sept 12 never heard from him again found out he got married 8 days later..... i have not dated since and will always be alone Im not going thru that again
—Guest cathie

ms Jekyell and hyde

This experience has been terrible. the mood swings, verbal abuse. Its been 20 years, i'm just tired of this disease.
—Guest anne

I'm Confused!!!

I have been married for 2 years and with my partner for 8. I was diagnosed in 2008 and it was fine in the beginning, lately he has been distant and our relationship is not the same, I don't believe he truly understands what I'm going through, we just had another baby who is 8 weeks and he is no help, he helps financially but not emotionally or mentally. I don't know what to do, we have 3 kids and I am not working.
—Guest Tangie

At what cost?

I've been married for five years. Since I've been married, I had one major flare up. My husband was supportive. Two weeks ago, I discovered an affair. Since then I went from healthy and happy to not even being able to drive and using a cane. I am 25 years old, and sadly have come to a point where I have little faith in love or marriage.
—Guest Samantha

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