I've been thinking about this recently. As I was going through the diagnosis process, the most horrifying image that came to mind was a wheelchair that I thought would be my destiny. As the years have gone by, however, the prospect of being in a wheelchair does not scare me anymore. I don't know what has changed, but I just know that if it comes to that, I would be okay. Yes, I know life would be more challenging in many ways if I had to use a wheelchair or scooter, but I would still be me.
I guess what scares me most about MS is the cognitive decline. Cognitive dysfunction is one of my main symptoms. I was tested a couple of years ago and the evaluation revealed that my attention span is shot and I have lost a significant number of IQ points. I can still hold my own most of the time, but there are times that I am confused about conversations or movie plots or complicated journal articles that I am pretty certain would not have been at all challenging for me in the past.
I try to be brave about this, but sometimes I let myself wander into the dark places where the question "how bad will this get?" is foremost in my mind. I know that I will not decline into frank dementia, but I am still not happy with the moderate "brain fog" that may be getting worse.
There. I have shared my fear. Now I'm asking you - what part of MS do you dread the most? I guess some would say that it's better not to think about these things, to keep looking forward and being grateful for what we do have. While I agree with the idea that we shouldn't dwell on "what if?" and "why me?" sort of things, sometimes bringing these things out into the light takes some of the scariness away.
Share your thoughts in the comments section below.